BlackBook Breaks Down J.Crew's Style Guide

"Thanks!" to WMM, who let us know about a humourous post over at BlackBook (click here to read in its entirety):

Things That Only Happen In The J.Crew Catalog
By Jessica Wakeman
September 15, 2012

Oh, the J.Crew catalog. 89 aspirational pages for me and every other middle-class working woman with big sartorial dreams and not enough disposable income. Will I pay $45 for a tee shirt? Will I really pay $45 for a tee shirt? Sigh. ...If it helps, remember that the J.Crew catalog is like Dr. Who's space-time continuum where things happen between its pages that don't actually happen in real life.

First of all, they call it the "the J.Crew style guide" because catalogs are for companies like (sniff) Boden. Other ways the J.Crew-niverse is not like the real world:

• Orange lipstick is not a thing women wear.
• Monogrammed cashmere sweaters, unless you live in Greenwich.
• Only in the J.Crew catalog does the phrase "VERY personal stylist" not sound like someone who is going to style your pubic hair.
• Clashing.
• A small army of women who look and dress like Jenna Lyons is actually creepy.
• $400 for a pair of slippers.
• Matching your "red pepper houndstooth popover" to your "red pepper popover pant."
• What is a "red pepper houndstooth popover" and why does it cost $525?

If Old Navy would just make a catalog — excuse me, style guide — it would really be better for the self-esteem of every woman that I know.

Too funny! And the small army of Jenna-drones is very creepy. I am surprised J.Crew is keeping up with that.

What are your thoughts on BlackBook's take on J.Crew's style guide? Agree or disagree with any points made? Do you have any points to add to the list?